CAST: Narrator, Yogi, Rat, Cat, Cow, Wife, Child.
(SCENE: Yogi sitting center stage, in lotus position, absorbed in chanting Hare Krishna. Sitar music plays in background)
Narrator: Once, in the enlightened Age of Satya, deep in a sacred forest, a powerful mystic Yogi was engaged in meditation on the Supreme Lord, Sri Krishna. The Yogi lived very simply, and his only possessions were his two pairs of underwear. Each day he would very meticulously wash out the used pair and hang them up to dry on a nearby bush. But then one day… (rat sneaks up and snatches the Yogi's underwear from bush, thus disturbing Yogi. Music stops)
Yogi: What's this? Someone has taken my underwear! Probably a roving rat! I must do something about this… I know! By my mystic power, I will conjure up a cat to keep away the rat who wants my underwear. Om Namo cat! (amidst thunder and flashing lights a cat appears, meowing)
Yogi: Now I can resume my sublime meditation. (music resumes, then cat meows loudly, scratches and disturbs Yogi)
Yogi: (disgusted) O my God, I forgot that a cat needs food! Well, I had better produce a cow to feed the cat, to keep away the rat that wants my underwear. Om Namo cow! (thunder/flashing lights, cow appears, swinging head and mooing)
Yogi: Ah! Now I can get back to my practices. (music resumes, then cow moos loudly, nudges Yogi, breaking his trance, stopping music)
Yogi: How stupid I am! The cow needs someone to milk her, to feed the cat, to keep away the rat, that wants my underwear. Well. By my unlimited power, I will have to create a wife. Om Namo wife! (thunder/flashing lights. Wife appears, folds hands and speaks)
Wife: O my dear, powerful Yogi, how may I serve you?
Yogi: Just milk the cow!
Wife: Yes, yes. Anything you want, my dear husband.
Yogi: Now I can return to my meditation, with all my problems finally solved. (music resumes, interrupted by Wife beginning to cry)
Yogi: What's the matter?!
Wife: You don't love me! (erupts in loud crying)
Yogi: (to audience) Maybe I don't know the extent of my own power! (to Wife) You're just supposed to milk the cow! (she cries more) Alright! Alright! What do you want?
Wife: You know… (moves arms like rocking baby) Rock-a-bye…
Yogi: (gasps, turns pale) SEX! I'm a Yogi! This is too much!! (Wife cries more, Yogi surrenders reluctantly) Just so you'll leave me alone. Alright. By my divine power, I will create a child to please my wife, who milks the cow to feed the cat, to keep away the rat who wants my underwear. Om Namo child! (thunder/flashing lights. Child appears, smiling, very cute)
Yogi: At last! Now I can resume my yogic exercises. (music resumes, interrupted by child pleading and disturbing Yogi)
Child: (whining) Daddy, Daddy, Daddy Yogi! Daddy, I want something. I want something, I WANT something, Daddy! (cries, jabs Yogi)
Yogi: Leave me, child! Wife! Take care of him. Give him… something.
Wife: ME give him something? You're the great Yogi around here! (child bites Yogi on hand)
Yogi: Ouch!!! How can I meditate like this?! Well, I guess I'll have to tolerate all this as one of the miseries of this material life. Alright, what do you want, my dear little one?
Child: I want a pet, Daddy. A pet, Daddy. Please, Daddy, please, please Daddy. wham one, Daddy, wham one…
Yogi: Okay. I'll get you a pet. Okay, okay!!! I'll wham one for you. By my power, I summon a little dog for my son, to please my wife, who milks the cow to feed the cat, to keep away the rat who wants my underwear. Om Namo dog! (thunder/flashing lights, dog appears)
Yogi: (looks around at all his new possessions) Finally, I can concentrate on self-realization. (music resumes, then dog approaches, growls, shakes head, puts bone in Yogi's lap, points to mouth with paw)
Dog: Uh ra ruh, Uh ra ruh!
Yogi: (sarcastically) Oh no, man's best friend? (dog points to mouth more emphatically, nudges Yogi)
Dog: Uh ra ruh, Uh ra ruh!!!
Wife: He's hungry, stupid! You never feed him, or me, or Baby Yogi here. All you do is sit around and meditate. Why don't you get a job! And since you're making so many things appear by your mystic power, I want a new tiger skin meditation mat, and some new shoes, and… and… and WHEN are we going to move out of this little dirt hut, anyway?! You bum, you social parasite! (dog growls, cat meows and menaces, cow moos)
Child: (whining) Daddy, I want another doggy, another doggy… and… and… (all animals and people press on Yogi, Wife kicks him in the side)
Yogi: Enough! Enough! Enough! Om Namo SCRAM! (thunder/flashing lights. All disappear, leaving Yogi alone)
Yogi: (contemplating) This material life is too entangling. I was much happier with only two pairs of underwear. (music resumes, Yogi resumes chanting and meditation)
Narrator: This eternal dilemma, as experienced by the Yogi, demonstrates how material life cannot bring real lasting happiness, as all our plans for material enjoyment are frustrated by the temporary and difficult nature of this world. Only when one becomes serious about the higher pleasure of Krishna consciousness can he become permanently relieved from the miseries of this world. All the fully God-conscious persons of the past have therefore accepted and taught the path of simple living and high thinking. Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare / Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare.
(Yogi seen in meditation, rat again appears and steals underwear)
Yogi: (shrugs shoulders) Material life!
(suggested musical ending: Hansadutta Swami's “Seeing God Is Not So Easy” or Mangalananda's “Simple Living,” or both)
The End
